Stay as Sweet as You are

Stay as sweet as you are

when times get hard

on the ford of River Wey

and then you can hear

the songs we sang

once a long time ago.

We're gone now

distant and cold, on shingles

and broken glass

like the night we trod on them

drunk, fresh from the bar.

We no longer exist;

we're just you and me

and where you are

I won't know any more

but be you here

or there

remember to stay

as sweet as you were

so that I 

can remember you

like the way you were

the day we said goodbye.

The Illusion of Photos

I have my life
strewn across the bed
in pictures
held still in time
with the corners
dog-eared as if
they could stop
the past from
overflowing
at the edges.

We hold a smile
in every photo
just for the photo
and we'd then disappear
into the background
and frown
and sneer for
no one to see
but ourselves.

Now I have these photos
which bore no truth
but only illusion
where neither you
nor I knew we created
but now it's clear
that we lied
to each other so much
that it came out in photos
piercing like fire.

Locked in

It would rain outside 

sky souring to grey

and I'd hide away

unsure where to go

stuck in my head

whirring, reeling, 

uncomfortable realisations.

where did I go?

Clarity in words

never formed straight lines,

coherent sentences,

or sense.

They stayed ravelled,

confused, convoluted

like past arguments

on rape and sex

and on what makes them

assault or pleasure.

What we hide from

stays hidden under

duvets and stained covers

like the buried dead

still writhing in graves

but where do you run

when all you're left

is yourself and a closet

with a lock at the door

and a darkened room

to ponder and repeat

the mistakes in your mind?

Open

to misinterpretation

it all falls

never-into place

and they lie like 

fragmented pieces

in the closet with 

you

on a dark rainy day.

Portsmouth Harbour via Guildford; calling at Woking, Guildford...

Because when I boarded this train

I knew I was going home.

Please

Please take me back on weekends
I can't see beyond veils
I can't touch beyond walls
I can't feel beyond impasses.

Please take me back to before
so that I don't grow up
so that I can slow the pace
so that I can be me again

Please take me away
and I won't have to grow,
see, touch, feel
and miss what's gone.

Take me away,
far away
and I will forever be thankful that you did.

Songs speak Interpretations

Is this the place I've been dreaming of

I need somewhere to begin

This could be the end of everything

...somewhere only we know.

Awkward silences 

stand

more pronounced 

than words themselves.

To admit

Because if I said...
let's change the subject
and talk about the time we met
under the influence
of friends and ambience
when the future was scary
and we saw no further
than tomorrow. And when
we spoke under midnight stars
about things
which didn't matter
but we listened
intently and spoke deeply
about trivialities.
But now all I have
is a room full of things
which matter
hardly-at-all
and the more I look
and scour for memories
the more I find
nothing-much-else
of you and me.
But yet I keep quiet
and get about my day
like the pavement pounders
of inner London
and pretend
for the world
I'm not empty inside.
Because if I admitted
that I miss you
I would cry
and be gone forever.

Exist

All of my problems exist in my head.
You only exist in my head

ALONE.

What you know

Only here will I speak
to you about
love, life and tears
that fall and break
like glass and ice.
And then there will be
silence so
deafening and deathly
like cold hands on hearts
and the last of breaths
that to define otherwise
would only put me to shame
but you - you will only hear
and see what bubbles up
to the surface and
you will play
the part of ignorance
until truths
come to light.
And then, only will I
speak about everything
you didn't know
and watch your face crumble
into tears and pain.

Will remind me of you

One day
this song will remind me of you
tussled in memories
which merge and split
unbearably difficult to untangle.
With the dying light
there will be ghosts
and imprints which find
their way down the pathways
buried under time
which loosens the bricks and stones
becoming undone.
One day this song
will remind me of you
when you are no longer here
and I can only hold you
and feel you
when the music plays on its own.

Home is built on awkward silences