Because You are More Beautiful Now

I don't know if mum ever told you
you were
ugly, stupid
stubborn
unloveable
troublesome
hell.

Well, she was probably right, in her eyes. You did make a mess of your room and never cleaned up after yourself; you did act out in school, causing your teachers to ring home almost every other day; and you did use to throw tantrums over the dining table. All this would happen while the rest of us sat quietly over our roast dinner with our eyes darting between you and mum, looking out for signs of an outburst. And of course, every night, it came - you'd lash out and then mum would lash out; before we knew it, there would be this break out of harshly articulated words and profanity, and then you'd run upstairs, lock yourself up in your room and cry.

But there was that one night when you ran upstairs and locked yourself up in your room and, presumably, cried for some time. I guess that was the night you also had had enough.

Had I known you'd had enough, maybe I would have gone upstairs and pried open your door to see what you were up to. But, I guess, there's no point thinking about that now.


I wish you could see yourself for the way we see you. Mum certainly didn't see it that way until that night when we didn't hear you sobbing in your room. We called your name and then shouted and then screamed - but you didn't open the door. So we pried it open with dad's crowbar and when the door finally swung open, we found that you had gone.



I don't know if mum ever told you
you were
ugly, stupid
stubborn
unloveable
troublesome
hell...

...but I can assure you, she never meant it; and now, more than ever, she wishes she hadn't meant it at the time because, now, you are more beautiful than ever. Your pink chiffon dress falls on you so perfectly and your hair caresses your face so elegantly, so much so, you don't look like the angry girl who stormed off upstairs, locked herself up in her room and, presumably, cried. You look different - you are more beautiful now.