Sleep Rants

Tonight is much colder than the last.

I want to curl up next to a hot water bottle and slip away into sleep. But I know I can't. I will be spending the night tossing and turning, feeling the sharp bite of the cold in my toes. The portable radiator is on the max and I am bundled up in thermals, flannel pyjamas, hoodie and socks. Tonight isn't going to be easy...I can feel it in my numb fingers.

Pass the time with some music:

"I turn the music up
I've got my records on"

Fancy listening to Coldplay on a chilly night in Surrey. If only the night would pass over sooner - five more hours before the alarm rings. I tuck my fingers under the pillow. Just another pathetic attempt at keeping warm. I can feel the sleep bearing down on me but the cold keeps me clinging to consciousness. I guess this is limbo.

"Once upon a time, somebody ran
somebody ran away..."

I can't think. I am too tired. But yet I am awake. I want the darkness to drop on me and smother me and take me away. I want to float off to another sense of non-awakening and sink into it so that it would become my world.

"You really hurt me..."

My hands are water and yet I can't feel them because of the cold. I turn over onto my side. The wall never seemed so colourless, so patternless, so non-existent. In fact the world no longer exists. It's all an abstract concept within the mind. Memories and experiences seem to bob in and out of the sub-conscious with images of child-me running around in the park emerging on a non-chronological time frame. I can see the sun on a humid morning and suddenly the thunder on a stormy tropical afternoon.

Shrill ringing

I can see the old car my father once owned and suddenly the bicycle I used to ride in my grandmother's porch.

"In the night the stormy night
she closed her eyes"

Shrill ringing

I can hear the voice of my grandfather and suddenly the chants of the nuns at his funeral.


Shrill ringing. Shrill ringing. Shrill ringing.


Yes..yes...I'm up for god's sake. Time for work...
...fuck, I've overslept again.